3 BIG Hs

As 2012 was coming to a close, I tried to reflect on the things I've been learning this year - some overarching themes. The first came to mind fairly quickly. In student teaching, which I began a year ago today (crazy), I was afraid to put in 100% because I thought the failure would be humiliating. I had to work up the courage to put in all the work I could,  pray to do well by those kids, and hope it would be enough. As I was preparing to come to Malaysia, I had to hope for everything to fall into place so that everything would be in order by November 1st. Since I have been here, I have been reading The Allure of Hope by Jan Meyers, and a lot of what she writes has resonated with me. It turned out to be one of those books that has changed the way I think. Goal for 2013: to believe in God for big things, and be more like Abraham who, contrary to hope, in hope believed... 

H-1) Hope

I have come to appreciate God in a new way in the last few months. After a few incidents/circumstances left me feeling so dishonored by people around me, I was almost in a state of dismay, and definitely upset. I did not see how any good could come from these things and wondered why they happened. I did some thinking and came to see that when people treat me as something unworthy of respect or honor, it shakes my view of myself. I really start to wonder whether I am a worthy creature. This is where looking at Psalm 8:4-5 has helped. I have been crowned with glory and honor, and if God is the only One who understands that truth, it is no less a truth.

Well I had an idea for one last thing on my mind for what I've been learning in the last few months. I was thinking it was along the lines of guidance but I was so on a roll with the 'H' thing that I couldn't just leave it there... Holy Spirit. Aha, that's better. I can't remember the last time my life has had such little structure or guidance. It's enough to stress me out. I mean I thought I had freedom when I moved out of my parents' house but now I have more freedom than I know what to do with. I'm not used to making so many decisions, and I don't think I've done a great job at it. I'm trying to look back at what older, wiser people have taught me as far as planning and organization (which looks totally different in an Asian culture). I'm learning to pray for His Spirit to guide daily. Because I'm still in the beginning stages, I feel like my only "ability" is praying.